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few words could open me, but you knew them all Untitled Document

About me.

I like lyrics more than people. I’m Meg, though I would prefer to be called Matilda I’m English, and that just makes me feel deprived of an American upbringing. I rant sometimes. This wont be very structured. 

I find Kurt Cobain to be an inspirational person, along with Tom Odell, I love listening to folk music it gives me inspiration, I don’t like meaningless music I have no respect for it so I don’t enjoy it.

I’m a stubborn person at times, like most. I like to know I’m wanted or needed by people it gives me comfort. I like to be right, and I am opinionated, I don’t particularly think it’s a good trait but unfortunately it’s one I have. I’m not very straight forward, people think I’m open but I’m not, I hold back a lot, I just come across as open. A lot of people misinterpret or misunderstand me but I expect that because I’m indecisive and ambiguous a lot of the time.

I laugh a lot when I’m with people, I like to make people laugh; I hate normality, the average person who want’s an average life sickens me. I don’t get along with these people instinctively, and I guess that’s a big problem considering where I live. But, If you appear as a normal, neutral person that’s generally happy in a deprived area like the one I’m in then you’re fake to me, and I do not understand you one single bit, I expect ambition from people and for them to crave better things in life, they’re the kind of people I want to talk to, they’re the interesting people.

You could do one action in front of me, or say one sentence and it could potentially change my whole view or opinion of you, I guess this is a problem too. I over think almost everything, I constantly analyse my situations, surroundings, conversations, instructions etc, so much that I rarely listen when people explain something to me unless it’s vital because my mind hears one thing and has to take that in and then drifts of into other thoughts about the person talking that are completely irrelevant. 

I don’t like bad change. I can’t stand when people have (to what I would consider) bad priority’s. I am a somewhat impulsive person. I feel more comfortable in the winter.

If you say something that elicits great attention in my mind then you might as well shut up for the next ten minutes cause I will think about it for that amount of time or longer. I don’t have a good attention span, I always shake my leg or move or fidget, I can’t sit still, and I can’t be quiet. If I have no interest in what someone’s talking to me about then I won’t pretend to care or seem impressed. I guess that makes me ignorant but I could just say the same for the person telling me something I’m blatantly not interested in.

I feel self concious, anxious and uncomfortable whenever I’m around crowded places, unless the person/people I’m with are able to make me feel 100% comfortable. It’s sad, stuff like getting on buses or crossing the roads or waiting outside a shop for someone or walking by people can make me feel those things, weirdly these are the worst things in day to day life for me. The consequences of this irrationality means I probably don’t go out as much as I should.

I would say I am a nice person, I am approachable, I treat people equally and fairly. I don’t ever belittle or undermine someone for seeming inadequate or ‘not of high standard’ in social situations or in terms of social class, age, appearance etc. Basically, I’m not a dick-head, but I am a blunt person, If you ask me for your opinion I will give it too you.

I love laughing, If you can make me laugh then I don’t care about anything else, I’ll love you, I love weird, eccentric people who can be serious too because they give me comfort, they make me comfortable.

It scares me how potentially anyone around you could cut you out their life, it makes me think about people I actually let into my life, thus, I don’t always make it clear to friends how I’m emotionally involved with them because I feel weak. I don’t connect with a lot of people, I don’t feel I’m ‘on the same page’ as a lot of people, funnily enough a lot of people feel as though they connect with me though. But when I find people I do connect with, I spend time with them. I have more male friends than female.

For that reason, the people who love me the most, i.e. my family, I don’t show much emotion too. Consequently my parents feel as though I lack general emotion and take them for granted. As I’m told. I feel as though they’re better of thinking that. If I’m romantically involved with someone I can share things with them and feel comforted easily but I will hold back on some things, naturally. 

I find the human mind incredibly intriguing. I find mine to somewhat deviate (naturally from definition not in any form of pretentious manner), I don’t sympathize or empathize well with a lot of people. I’m very traditional. I want all of humanity to dress like they did in 1912 or the 1940s because I think everyone looked beautiful. Elegance, grace and class were traits consistently reinforced through manners and values which is ironically refreshing. I love being called ‘Miss’ I think it’s polite and appropriate. Sometimes I have weird fantasy’s and they’re so abstract and distorted it doesn’t even make sense to me, elaborating on that would make me feel uncomfortable.

I hate my own country, my town, my house, life depresses me almost excessively in England, I drive/walk around and I feel nothing for anything here, it’s all mundane, predictable, and a mess. Nothing makes me feel anything which is wrong. I want to leave whenever humanly possible. I guess that’s another problem, I’m not oblivious to the idea I probably have it easy, easier than a lot of people, but I can’t help but feel there’s so much more.

I want to live remotely when I am able to, I honestly don’t like people all that much some days, which wouldn’t work well if I was surrounded by a lot of people. I am infatuated with the idea of living in America with a family, in a nice lake house, surrounded by nature to settle down after I’ve done what I want to, like travel, meet interesting people, see more live music and take so many pictures, I want to document my life and record it consistently because I feel like it’s important to do all those things.

Whenever I am out I prefer to be with one person. I hate groups, if I am in a group of people I normally end up leaving and going home even if I’ve been out for ten minutes cause It makes me feel disgusting, I don’t feel comfortable in big groups. I was the same as a child.

I need money for the things I want to do in life, I need money to make me happy, I believe many people know money could make them happy but deny the fact it could through guilt and social norms. 

I guess you could say I’m a kind of person that believes I’m built for better in life than what I have now, which I don’t believe is a bad thing or big-headed. I just know If I end up like the people around me/in this country when I am older than I’d end up killing myself, life here is no sort of life, but that won’t need to happen because I do think that if you want something enough you can make it happen. I want a different life; I want everything life has to offer. I don’t want to feel as though I’ve missed out or not experienced everything I’m entitled to experience; this world.

If I failed academically I decided I’d probably get a full time job for a few years and save up by living at home and then I’d buy a camper-van or something of the sort and travel around the world and spend a few weeks/a month of my life at least in every country in the world (as long as it were safe too and that country were desirable by me) then by the end of it I’d pick my favourite country I experienced to live in if It was obviously possible legally at the time etc, I’d take lots of photos a long my way and cover my future house in them too, I couldn’t do it on my own though. I don’t value being alone. Let me know you read this. I appreciate your time/interest.

Radical Face - Always Gold will always be my favourite song.